Things That Just Should Not Go Together

There is something utterly wrong about having acne AND gray hair. For some reason it sounds to me that this was not the deal, you have acne WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG and hate your face, you have a brief few years thinking, "man, I look gorgeous", then truth gets hold of you, you find gray hair around your temples. After some give and take, plucking a few to find some more the next day, you give in, and hit the chemist for hair color with chemicals that would cause metal erosion or age gracefully or whatever blah is in trend these days. To have acne and crow feet is downright outrageous! What are you guys talking about? There should be laws against this kind of violation of basic laws that have been around as long as acne causing fat foods existed. Now I have the three of them, acne, gray hair and crow feet – when I smile anyway – and my whole identity is in shambles, I go to college with 20 year olds, as if I needed anymore messing with my mind. Let's leave it at that: you shouldn't by any means have acne and gray hair, and I'm really pissed.

And since acne is supposed to be the work of testosterone (you know, until they find out they were wrong as usual), you are not supposed to have acne and saddlebags. Saddlebags are the work of estrogen, hello, who's ruling here? Suit yourselves, either acne and a nice male hip like that one models with high testosterone levels stride in on catwalks before falling down on their faces and ruining their nose jobs, or a just-shaved-with-Gillette- new –quatro-razor cheeks, wearing girdles to push in your saddlebags. Push them where? No clue, I hope they don't appear some nasty place after a while, like the forehead or something.

You know what else shouldn't go together? Mental illness and insight. They keep praising that insight thing all the time. Well, it sucks. Let's have it that way: insight to mental illness is like having some smartarse ruin your orgasm by whispering in your ears: "you are just having muscle contractions all over your body, your blood pressure is slightly up, your breathing rate too, you are also experiencing overall increase in body secretions (so you'll probably stink afterwards)". That's it. Thank you, I don't want to know.

When I hate you because I am depressed I do not want to know it. Not that way. I want to think it is because you are a nasty person who is messing my life. When I am sleeping 16 hours a day I want to be totally convinced it is because I am exhausted out of working a lot, preferably doing the good things.

When you are manic you want to enjoy a few days of disinhibition caused by the nice wave of mania that runs unto me, flirting with men – or women, according to your stand on the subject - and going on shopping sprees and having energy like you never did before, no, you have INSIGHT. You have the mania and can't enjoy it.

Instead of feeling right and virtuous when you act like a jerk out of pure dislike to someone and believing it is: "fair" or "the right thing to do" or "I wouldn't jeopardize my integrity for whoever", instead of this, you have insight, you know that, EVEN IF what you did was THE RIGHT THING, it has nothing to do with the motives your conscious mind is dictating you, you are blessed with goddamn insight.

When you hear voices speak in your head, you should believe them, you should not know they are "voices in your head". They should ban doctors from telling you they are voices in your head. It is just cruel.

You know that ugly bitter aunt who's always correcting everyone? She probably feels good and righteous, genuine and authentic. She doesn't have insight, she's doing everybody a favor by straightening up their lives, she has found a healthy way to deal with her own shortcomings. You, the guy with insight? Nope, won't work, you'll know as you go around telling everybody how to make their lives work, it is just because you can't make yours work. See how good insight is? No place for you to go. It is worse than your bitter aunt. You are cornered, and there is still worse news: insight just never goes away, once it's there, it's there to stay.

I hate it. When my mind is playing games I don't want to know it, I want to act like this is because of my uniqueness and because the whole world has done me wrong. When a childhood weakness triggers a hysterical reaction I don't want to know it, I want to think it is because I do not compromise when it comes to my principles. When I want revenge under the name of justice I do not want to know, I want to enjoy it. When I do the right thing to please an ever frowning parent, I do not want to know it, I want to think that I am the "good guy".

There is some good healthy reason "insight is not built in", and has to be acquired. Insight is not healthy, it messes our coping mechanisms. It prevents us from cutting ourselves some slack. It tells us the truth, and I hate it. Who wants to know that when you are acting out on a spouse it is not because he or she has "messed things up as usual", but is because they rejected you a week ago. I mean, THEY, should know that ok, and you should resist the notion as being the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard and really mean it. After all, it is not the normal thing to have insight. When you are suicidal you are supposed to be all victimized and everything. You shouldn't be aware that it is because it is YOU that is not working, and that it is your systems that have failed you, not others, not the world, and definitely not your mother not breast feeding you enough. Now that really makes me want to kill that insight guy after all.

You should have insight only when you are mentally in shape, and I mean REALLY in shape. Insight would then be useless of course, well yes, how much of your clothes do you really need anyway? Your insight -that you worked for because it is not a built in trait -will be there just for you to have fun. Insight will just be there to tell you really really what a great balanced person you are. Just make sure your not merely an arrogant psychopath with no insight who thinks she's great. Of course with no insight you would not know that except after expensive hours with psychiatrists who generally have problems with their own insights preventing them from knowing what pathetic jerks they are. Other than that, you can enjoy your insight.

Oh, and you also should not have big breasts and a small behind, you will end up looking silly. It's either Jessica Rabbit or Roger Rabbit, never a bit of each.